You are Such a Bitch!!!!!

When They Call You a Bitch: A Lesson in Love, Resilience, and Self-Discovery

The other day, someone left me a message: “You are such a bitch.”Just like that, blunt and cutting. A keyboard warrior, hiding behind their screen, unleashed their opinion with the confidence that only anonymity can provide. It wasn’t the first time, and it won’t be the last. As an author and speaker, I’ve come to learn that this kind of reaction is part of the territory. Still, when you read a message like that, it stings.

We all want to believe we’re immune to criticism, but the truth is, we aren’t. Words have a way of burrowing into the cracks of your confidence. Even the strongest among us can feel the sting of a stranger’s careless comment. But what I’ve discovered—and what I want to share with you—is a perspective that can transform this pain into something empowering.

The Dagger of Words

At first, when I saw the message, my instinct was to feel hurt. It’s easy to fall into the trap of replaying the words in your mind: Am I too much? Did I say something wrong? What if they’re right? That’s the thing about online criticism: it plants seeds of doubt.

But here’s the truth: those words weren’t about me. They were about them. The safety of the screen gives people a way to release their frustrations, insecurities, or jealousy without accountability. The key is discovering how to respond—not with anger, not with self-doubt, but with clarity and love.

Why It Hurts and Why It’s Not About You

Criticism, especially the nasty, faceless kind, pokes at our need for approval. Humans are wired for connection. We crave love and acceptance, and when we’re rejected or attacked, it feels like an emotional bruise.

But here’s what I’ve learned: when someone lashes out, they’re projecting their own pain. It has nothing to do with you. Maybe they’re frustrated that they haven’t achieved the results they want in life. Maybe they see your success and feel like it highlights their failures. Or maybe they just had a bad day. Whatever the reason, their words are a reflection of their reality—not yours.

This realization didn’t come easily. In the early days of my career, I would spend hours agonizing over these comments. It felt personal. But then I started asking myself: What if this isn’t about me at all?And suddenly, I saw things differently.

Shifting the Narrative

Here’s the good news: you don’t have to let these messages define you. There’s a proven way to handle criticism that will leave you feeling stronger, not shattered.

1. Pause and Reflect: Before reacting, take a deep breath. Remind yourself that this is about them, not you. The pause creates space for clarity.

2. Find the Lesson: While the message itself might be cruel, sometimes there’s a grain of truth buried in feedback. Is there anything constructive you can take away? If not, let it go. Easy.

3. Focus on the Positive: For every hurtful comment, there are countless people who love your work, support your vision, and cheer for your success. Let their voices drown out the noise.

4. Embrace Self-Discovery:Use these moments as an opportunity to rediscover your own strength. Every hateful message is a chance to prove to yourself that your worth isn’t tied to someone else’s opinion.

5. Practice Self-Love: Remind yourself of your accomplishments. You’re making a difference, creating something new, and inspiring others. That’s worth celebrating.

It Gets Easier

The more you practice this mindset, the easier it becomes. The sting fades. The words lose their power. And in their place, you’ll find a renewed sense of purpose and resilience. I guarantee it.

Here’s the thing about online criticism: it often comes from people who haven’t put in the work to achieve what you have. They see your results—whether it’s your career, your health, your financial success, or your creativity—and instead of being inspired, they lash out. Why? Because it’s easier to criticize than to create.

But their criticism doesn’t make them right, and it doesn’t make you wrong. It’s just noise. And your job is to keep moving forward, knowing that your work matters.

The Bigger Picture: Why Love Always Wins

At the end of the day, you have a choice. You can let the negativity pull you down, or you can rise above it. I choose love. Not the soft, fluffy kind of love, but the fierce, determined kind. The kind that says: I see your pain, but I won’t let it become mine.

So, to the person who called me a bitch: thank you. Thank you for reminding me of my strength, for teaching me to grow, and for giving me the opportunity to practice love in the face of criticism.

And to you, reading this: remember, it’s not about you. It never was. You’re doing important work, and the world needs your voice. Keep going, keep discovering, and keep creating. The results you achieve—both for yourself and for others—will speak louder than any hateful comment ever could.

Karin Charlotte Hvam